I am 47, and a single mom of two teenagers in the middle of an ugly divorce. I am overwhelmed with everything, mostly what I’m going to do for the rest of my life and how Im going to do it. Im a mess and not a hot one. I feel too old to carry on, and too young to die. How do I pick myself up and get on with life when everything feels so awful. I don’t want to be with my husband, but I don’t know how to be without him. I don’t even know who I really am. Any tips for the this life I’m living that wasn’t supposed to be mine? Gayle from Washington

Hi Gayle,
Well the first thing I would want to do is remind you that how you are feeling right now is not your forever. It feels like it but it’s not. This is a biggie, and btw what divorce isn’t ugly? Its’ the shattering of a post card we all signed up to live…. It’s the most upheaving horrifically transitional time most of us will ever experience, but trust me your life will find it’s way. You must find your supporters, the people you trust and can rely on and reach out to them as often as you can. And I’ll save you this hard lesson right now- you are your own best source of strength and support. You need to know that now. You have to begin to believe that you will make it through this and find your way— and possibly be more at ease and happy than you were before. Once you believe that can happen— it has a chance of happening. you have to work on your own voice- telling you it’s going to be fine- ignore the fear for now, stop jumping ahead- stay right here, you don’t know the future so stay away from the thoughts that want to scare the crap out of you. Stick to right now. Just like all the other horrible stuff life has thrown your way, you will move out of this. No one signs up for the depth and darkness of divorce, but we do get through it. You may not feel like you know who you are right now, and I don’t know you, but I know this—you are the woman who sat down and wrote an e mail to me asking for help…you’re a fighter….. keep fighting for yourself. It gets better.

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