Please help! What can I do about my step mother- my dad died recently, we all could never stand the woman he married.  she is pretty much an awful person, I want nothing to do with her and she now calls me every day, thinks she should be in our lives, I don’t want her here.  I don’t want her around my kids.  But I don’t want to be rude.  She’s 65 they were married 10 years.  Any idea’s?  Desperate in Iowa.

Hi Iowa,

I think you can nicely sit her down and tell her how grateful you are that she was there for your dad.  How much you know her love made his life a better place.  And then  tell her as kindly as possible– that you don’t see a place for her in your life. That you don’t want her to expect things you know you can’t deliver.  This is tough, but you have to do it.  Saying the truth with kindness and strength is going to be your best bet.  And do yourself a favor… don’t let the guilt trickle in. Putting your family before this woman is what you have to do, think of it that way.

Good luck-


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