Dear Liz-After having been in an unhealthy marriage for 20 plus years I finally got a divorce. My ex-husband was the only man I have ever been with. I met a guy and started talking with him after my divorce. I discovered he was a liar though. When I confronted him about it, he told me to leave him alone and that he does not need me. It hurt because now I know he only used me. It makes me wonder if I will ever find love. I’ve also spoken with a few men online who turned out to be not who they say they were. Do you think I will find love again?
Fort Worth, TX
Hi in Forth Worth, and thank you for writing in.
This is a really tough time in life, just after divorce and emotions all over the place. Good for you for having the courage to get out of an unhealthy marriage. It takes strength beyond what many of us feel we can bear. The description of this last guy you were seeing is unfortunate, I’m so sorry about that. Often after long term marriages, women do tend to go through what could be described as transitional relationships, or where we cross that bridge from having been married to the same person for so long to the idea of caring for someone else. More often than not those transitional relationships remain just that, and we move on to a different relationship. So perhaps this last guy, the liar, was a transitional guy, getting you ready for the healthy stable honest relationship you want and deserve. Don’t lose hope!
Do I think you will find love again? I am a huge believer in love, and know that it can happen for those who really want it. The online thing is a tough game to play for some. Many people have experiences similar to the ones you describe here in your letter. My suggestion for the moment is to keep it “real-life” rather than online for now. There is such a better chance, with all your senses on a person, for you to know what’s really going on, and in a shorter period of time. The online experience seems to take so long to get kick-started, with emailing and phone conversing etc, that by the time you actually meet and make it real, some people are invested already. Misrepresentation, exaggerations, lack of disclosure and white lies can then be a much harder blow as we tend to feel more invested. Remember then, we don’t know them until we actually meet them! You sound to me to be someone who is ready to look for the kind of person who could bring a healthy heart into your life. It doesn’t always come as quickly as we hope, nor does it often come the way we thought it might. Just make sure to stay true to your path in life, stay open to letting people in, and believe that this can happen for you if that is what you want!
Strength and great things for you!