Dear Liz, how does someone find true love? I have asked myself this question time and time again and still have no answers. I am 39-years-old and have gone through a divorce. I have lost a lot of weight recently, have sought therapy and got help to deal with childhood abuse issues, but my love life is not good. Why does this keep happening? How do I stop the hurt and feel like a winner for once?

Durham, North Carolina


Hi thanks for writing in. The first thing I want to to say to you is that you’re a winner right now.  Period. Amen.

Look at your letter. You navigated a divorce, sought therapy, tackled your childhood demons and, on top of that, you’ve lost weight. That is a winner from any view. It would help you immensely to remove the idea that people who have relationships are winners. Truth is, you couldn’t have found the relationship that will work for you until you’d completed all this other stuff and, somehow, you knew it.  Good for you. The fact that you’ve written me is just another way of putting it out there that you want great things in your life and you’re doing something about it. Take this paragraph in, read it again and again and then believe it.

Finding love is the greatest mystery known to mankind. The truth is, there is no solid recipe. It’s one of the few things in life about which we know the least, and maybe that unawareness contributes to its amazing impact when it happens. The best I can do for you here is tell you that the kind of love you’re looking for is going to come your way.  We do know that, in life, when we push ourselves to gain and grow and learn and move, the results are always positive.  They may take more time than we’d hoped, but a person who is walking life the way you are can be assured that what you want will come. It sounds to me like you really are ready to find love, which means it will happen… you just have to believe in it, and believe in yourself.

Sound easy? It’s not. Take the idea that the right person for you is going to come along the way you took on your diet, or your willingness to look at your past in therapy.  Keep the faith in the idea that this will happen in your life. Try to let go of the idea that you can make it happen and trust the things that have led you where you stand now. Yes, you want to stay open out in the world.  Every moment of your life could be the moment the right person steps in, and all you can do is ready yourself so that you don’t miss it. You are a walking recipe for what precedes love in a person’s life, now just believe that!

Keep the faith and your patience, great things for you!

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